the best advice my mother ever gave me

Taking a moment to be serious here, which will happen from time to time, I'm going to share and expand on the great advice my mother gave me which I have never forgotten.

As an educator of the 'tween' group, I often go back and remember my time as a terribly awkward, sometimes abrasive, and very bookish early adolescent. I remember what it was like to be hormonal, sensitive, boy-crazy and confused. A lot. I had terrible self-esteem. We're talking really, really, really low.

In one of my tearful rants to my mother about why the boy I liked at the time didn't like me back, she told me that being continually obsessed with one person and one person only is not good for you. "You need to have other things in your life that make you happy other than men," she said.

So, as I watch my tween female students obsess over Twilight, both the books and the movies, I am not afraid to voice my disapproval of the series. They ask me time and time again why I don't like the books and all I can say is 'I think Edward is a bad boyfriend'. I sometimes felt like I was alone in my severe dislike for him (until recently, see the link).

There are many reasons I don't like the Twilight series, and they are all summarized in the idealized asshat that is Edward Cullen. Bella Swan, who is supposed to be the heroine of the story, shows that she really thinks she is nothing if she does not have the love of a man at every single moment. She is certainly not an independent woman by any means.

And then there's what happens after New Moon. I haven't read the books myself, but I know from Wikipedia (God bless you, Wikipedia) that Bella marries and then becomes pregnant at a terribly young age. Marriage and babies while still a teenager? I do not know if this is a good idea at all. I mean, sure, maybe Stephanie Meyer thought it was a good idea at first, for the use of her plot and all, but do we really want a book that deals with teenage pregnancy to be read by a bunch of teenage girls? Maybe. It depends on the context. But in this context, teen pregnancy is romanticized, as is a boyfriend who really isn't that wonderful a boyfriend at all. So, based on that, I am going to say that it is NOT okay.

Does Bella ever think about college? Does she ever talk about things she loves other than Edward? Does she have hopes and dreams for her career or her future? Does she have a night with her girlfriends where they all sit around and drink wine while gossiping and laughing? Her circumstances may be abnormal, but that doesn't excuse the fact that I see both Edward and Bella (and most of the characters in the Twilight books) as very flat characters that I find difficult to care about and connect with.

Bella's mother obviously never told her what my mother told me. And, by no means to I think of myself as being terrific at relationships (I am not) and at times in my past I did not stick up for myself when even though I should have. I can't change the past, but I can change how I behave in the future.

It's not my place to tell Andrea, Jessica, Abby, Katie and Molly about how I find Edward Cullen to be boderline abusive and totally dreadful. Or maybe it is. Sometimes I don't think they'll get it even if I do. Maybe it's something you learn from experience.

My beef with the Cincinnati Public Libraries (or maybe all libraries in general)

Ok, so do not get me wrong. I love libraries. There are billions upon billions of books there that you can read...FOR FREE. They are wonderful institutions and librarians are wonderful people because they help put books in the hands of many, MANY people.

Now, the Cincinnati Public Library is downtown and it's actually an impressive building. It's huge, has lots of books, DVDs, CDs and lots of other things (including old newspapers and records of families in the Cincinnati area!). So, because of it's massive size, I was positive that it would have the books I needed.

I was looking for a couple of books that are considered classics: "1984" and "All Quiet on the Western Front." Most people, if they don't know what these books are about, have at least heard of them before. I have, that's for sure. Well I couldn't find them at the public library on my side of town and I had to go downtown anyway, so I went over there and in that huge building I was unable to find "1984." It's either not in the library or checked out and not in their catalog system yet.

Part of me was apalled by this. "1984" is definitely a classic. It's read in high schools all over the country, it is one of the most well-known dystopian novels, and probably George Orwell's most popular novel, and the library didn't have it. I investigated further and went to look at their stock of Dickens and Steinbeck, both which were pretty poor in numbers. How can institutions that exist purely to house books not have "1984"?

I got mad at the public library. I got very mad. Then, a thought occurred to me. The library cannot possibly afford to house every single book. I mean, let's face it, Cincinnati is in a bit of trouble financial wise and I understand that the city (and entire state, really) have to cut the hours and staff of the public libraries, so I'd assume that they might have to cut the supplies of the library, which are mainly books. So then I got angry at the government for not giving public institutions like libraries enough money to at least have one copy of literary classics on the shelves.

Then I was reminded about the essence of our very economy which I was blaming for the libraries having no money. Capitalism, which I would argue is mostly a good thing, is based on supply and demand. There may be little demand for 1984, and therefore, there is no supply of it in the library. No one in the Cincinnati area seems to feel the need to read 1984, so the library is simply not going to carry it. 1984 is probably taking up valuable space that could be used for Janet Evonovich books or that stupid Twilight Series (the library does, however, have somewhere around six copies of "Breaking Dawn" because HEAVEN FORBID THEY DON'T HAVE TWILIGHT).

So perhaps the real root of my anger is that people are not reading the classics anymore (unless they have to in high school) and so libraries are not carrying them. I find this to be a shame. I know I'm an extreme example, but I like to have a well rounded reading background and I'm sure there are people out there who do as well. 1984 is on the list of so many classics that I'm sure someone else at some other point in time wanted to check it out.

So, basically what I'm saying is, it's a shame that people don't want to read classics and instead want to read about vampires that sparkle. But still, if the option never exists, if 1984 is never on the shelf to begin with, then it eliminates even the possibility that someone would check it out.

And there. That's my beef with the public library.

Four couples from books that I love, and one that I despise

Couple #1: Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley from the Harry Potter series

It certainly seemed like they would never get together, mostly because it took Jo Rowling 6 hefty novels and then another 625 pages just to get them to kiss. Good grief! Anyways, they are the resident odd couple, opposites that really do attract. Ron is the jokester, the easy-going guy's guy who's easy to love because of his charm and boyish qualities. Hermione is the bookish type, compassionate and head strong. So why would these two go together? I always liked them together from the beginning (well, ok, from The Goblet of Fire on) but I never understood why they were so good for one another, and then it struck me. Hermione sees Ron as the boy who makes her laugh, who gets her to calm down, and, who intrigues her. He is surprising. I think Ron loves Hermione because she loves him the way he is, and wouldn't change him, and she keeps him on his toes, something that Ron thrives on.

There's always debate on whether or not she should have ended up with Harry. But like any Potter freak, I fully support Rowling's matches. People who say Harry really likes Hermione clearly didn't notice all the comparisons Harry made of Hermione and Mrs. Weasley. Do you really think Harry would want to marry someone that reminded him of Ron's mother? I'd hope not! Ron, however, might.

Couple #2: Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice

This is a total given. Most women I think would list this couple as one of their favorites because they are so universally loved! They forced each other to see the flaws in one another, but also forced out the good, loving, and kind qualities in one another as well. They have been romanticized in movies (see Bridget Jones or the many P&P adaptations), but the book is the most sincere, most honest and most romantic depiction of the couple. You just get the sense that by the end of the book, Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth just get one another. And the amount of respect he shows her (he proposed twice! that takes guts and respect!) is warming, especially when you consider the time period in which in was written. Elizabeth stuck to her guns, she married her equal, and all for love. Sigh.

Couple #3: Allie and Noah from The Notebook

I am not a fan of Nicholas Sparks novels (can you say formulaic?), but I really did enjoy The Notebook and I'll tell you why and then you will think I'm crazy. The reason, to me, is because the ending didn't want to make me dress in all black and listen to Elliot Smith on repeat. Now, I chose them from the book because I liked the book more than I liked the movie and I honestly think it's Sparks' best book. It reflects the time in reference to the setting, yet reflects on how love in timeless. Plus, the book did not contain the horrid line "If I'm a bird, you're a bird."

Couple #4: Katniss and Peeta from The Hunger Games trilogy

One book to go, but I've already decided I like Katniss and Peeta together. This trilogy, written for young adults, it thought provoking and exhilerating to read. I just love Katniss, though she really annoys me sometimes. She's a strong, independent woman who faces hardships that I could never endure. She is also very moody and confusing, but not in an annoying Bella Swan kind of way, but in a real way. Suzanne Collins, the author, does a good job of leaving the reader in suspense because you really don't know who Katniss will pick. She could pick anyone! I personally think Peeta suits her. Peeta appreciates everything about her, loves her unconditionally, and he is passionate and artistic. What's not to like there? Katniss is blown away by two kisses in these two books, and both are shared with Peeta. Who wins her heart, Peeta or Gale? We shall see...

The Couple that I Completely Loathe: Bella and Edward from the Twilight series

Ugh. Gag me. Literally.

I find this relationship to be one of the most shallow and unhealthy relationships ever in print...and its the basis for this entire Twilight phenomenon! I don't get it! Bella's entire life is consumed by Edward. I've only read the first book, but from what I understand the second book is all about her complete devestation when he leaves her. In the first though he's creepy in multiple ways and he glitters in the sunlight. It's literally sickening to read.

When I'm reading a book, I like to measure my leading men on the standard that if I were in Hermione/Elizabeth/Allie/Katniss' place I would like their respective men, and I would. I would not like Edward though. He is obnoxious, creepy, shallow and overwhelmingly cheesey. I sometimes wonder what teenage girls are really thinking when they read this. Do they really want Bella to end up with Edward? Do they themselves want to be with Edward? If they do, I'm scared because Edward represents all that women do wrong in relationships, and in life sometimes. He's also incredibly fictional and he represents idealized hopes for women everywhere, and these Twilight obsessed girls are only going to grow up and be severely disappointed.

Plus, the one boy who has potential for giving her a healthy relationship is completely screwed over until the final book, and even then he's getting the short end of the stick! Poor werewolf.