Things I've Learned from Listening to the Radio

So a small tragic event occurred in my life a week or so ago. In reality, it's not that tragic, but more like super annoying and expensive. My car was broken into by some jerks and I had to replace my window, which was a hefty sum, and these jerks are also thieves because they took my iPod and a few accessories. So I have now had to listen to the radio again for the first time in almost a year or so. I realized that you can learn a lot about humanity and society and people in general just by listening to the radio. So, here for you know, are four things I've learned from listening to the radio.*

Some people feel the need to share their relationship woes with total strangers

I cannot tell you how many times I have turned the radio to KISS FM and they are talking about relationship problems such as jealousy, cheating, baggage and other issues that I would definitely classify as personal. And then, because it's radio and everyone should be involved, they take some callers and they give their advice. Nine times out of ten, this advice is either blatantly obvious or really shitty. Should a girl dump her cheating boyfriend? Um, yes!

My absolute favorite call-in question occurred the other day, when the DJ asked if it was appropriate for girls to grab a guys' balls out in public, then took lots of callers from listeners, the majority of them girls, who all said it was fine, but were against girls getting groped. Other girls called these previous girls out on this. All the guys that called in were happy just to get their balls grabbed to begin with.

Radio=Repitition

Dear sweet Jesus, if I hear that damn 'Replay' song by Iyaz one more time I am going to stab my radio. I am convinced that some songs do get better the more often you hear them (I didn't like 'Tik Tok' the first time I heard it and now it's clearly my anthem), but that song is not one of them. And I swear I hear it every single time I drive. I also hear Jay Sean, Taylor Swift, and that new Lady Antebellum song an awful lot as well. I now officially dislike all their songs because I am simply so tired of it.

Things Die a Slow Death

Two other songs that I have heard a lot on the radio are "Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon and "All Summer Long" by Kid Rock. Now, I really like "Use Somebody" and KOL, so I do not mind this as much, but I'm pretty sure this song peaked in the summer. Still though, Cincinnati radio is willing to beat this song into submission. I recently read an article about how Caleb Followill, the lead singer of KOL, doesn't like the backlash of his group becoming so popular but it makes sense to him becasue radio stations play his song so much. When my mom hums along to "Use Somebody," you know it's too much.

"All Summer Long" is probably my least favorite song of all time. I'm not joking. I find this song to be the death of creativity because Kid Rock essentially stole one of the most popular guitar riffs of all time from Lynard Skynard and then wrote about being trashy in the summer time. I'm pretty sure this song was it's most popular almost a year and a half ago. WHY ARE THEY STILL PLAYING IT?! It's a terrible song...and it's not even summer time! Are people subconsciously pining for warmer weather in this bleak wintery abyss that is known as the December-January-February stretch? Must be...or the people in charge of programming have terrible taste.

A Very Small Salad Bar

Not only do radio stations play a lot of the same songs all the time, a lot of radio stations are playing a lot of the same songs. I can go to three different channels and find the same song on all channels (and even more than three when you figure crossover artists such as Taylor Swift and Carrie Underwood into this). A lot of the radio stations in Cincinnati are all the same shit just lumped together. You rarely hear anything on Q102 that you wouldn't here on KISS or what you wouldn't hear on 94.1. Cincinnati radio stations are summed up by either hard rock, mainstream pop and R&B, or being perpetually stuck in the 80s. Even the songs that are alternative, like "Santeria" by Sublime are kind of overplayed. I promise you that Sublime wrote other good songs.

Also, Cincinnati has an abundance of country stations. By my last count, it was around five. This boggles my mind because Cincinnati is nowhere near the country or the wild west or anything of the sort. Are there even cowboys in Ohio? I'm originally from Denver and we have about two country stations and there are actual cowboys in Denver and the rodeo comes to town and sometimes in high school for fun I would go line dancing with my girlfriends. This math and geography lesson makes no sense.

So compare the five country stations to how many alternative music stations there are. There are rock stations in Cincinnati, but none that are really alternative. Cincinnati used to have 94.9 The Sound which played good music, but it went off the airwaves because they didn't have any money. So now The Sound is gone and some other stations play songs that would be there, but not quite. Vampire Weekend had the #1 album in the country last week and I have not heard a single song of theirs on the radio, though I'm pretty sure that The Sound would have played them. Cincinnati, you once again epically fail when it comes to music (or culture in general), and I sincerely hope that someone with some balls and some cash comes and puts in a decent radio station. Please, for the love of all that is good and holy.

I am starting to wonder if the radio itself is going to go by the wayside. Things like HD radio and Sirius radio are becoming more and more popular and people are doing things like listening to their iPods in the car. Some even listen to Pandora on their phones! Genius! So perhaps radio is really just a representation of what is cheap and easy and, unfortunately for me, terrible music falls under this category.

Curse those jerks that took my iPod. I hope they get struck by lightning for putting me through this.

*I now fear for humanity.