1 a.m. cabin fever

Oh God, it's past 1 a.m. and I have to work tomorrow. Oh well.

I have noticed that this week, or really, since Christmas break started I have been frustrated a lot. I attribute this frustration to cabin fever resulting from being trapped in this house and being trapped in Cincinnati.

I like cold weather every now and then, but this is ridiculous. I'm freezing almost all the time now and I can't sit in my favorite spot at the dinner table because it's by the window (in unrelated news, people are dying of cancer and extreme poverty). I had gotten into running again, which is hard to do considering there's a lot more of me to drag around then there was in the summer and fall, but in this weather it is literally impossible to run. I'm either running by the river, which is really effing cold, or I'm running into the wind which is also cold and it hurts my face.

I know what you are saying, faithful readers. "Hey Emily, join an indoor gym." Well, easier said than done. First of all, I hate running on a treadmill because it is terribly boring. I'm not a hamster that can stare at the same spot on the wall for hours upon hours. Also, joining and indoor gym costs money and I've already been told by my cousin that the rec center is a rip off and the gym membership is too but sometimes I can find them at a discount.

So all of my pent up frustrations and energy have nowhere to go until the temperature gets above freezing. Sigh. Or until I get some money, which would require me getting one of the zillion jobs I have been trying to apply for. Only, the bad weather makes it difficult to actually physically go to places, and when applying for a job like a waitress it's always nice to see a physical face.

I could get a job babysitting, but, let's be real. At my real job, I do a lot of babysitting, or at least what feels like babysitting when I tell them to "stop poking him/don't eat that/put your feet on the floor/sneeze into your elbow/etc."

I also feel a lot of cabin fever here in Cincinnati. As the months have progressed I have become more and more enraged at the city, at it's drivers, at it's stupid road system and how it literally makes no fucking sense, at it's westside/eastside politics, at it's politics in general, at the obnoxious Bearcats and their equally obnoxious fans, and at it's small town, gossipy nature. I need to get the eff out of here, but I find that extracting myself is going to be difficult. Well, not for me let's say, but for others. People seem to be taking it very personally when I say that I am leaving and I haven't told my principal this yet and he is going to be none too happy. But really, all I promised was a year, it's not a full time job, and I miss Colorado like you wouldn't believe.

Those Internet courses at UC were a waste of my time and my money (which would be nice to have right now!) and, call me old fashioned, but I prefer school with actual people. I feel like I take a lot of steps forward but then sometimes I go backward again. Frustrating, no?

I also feel like everybody in my whole family knows every single thing that I do and it drives me insane. The complete lack of privacy in many ways is probably what is most frustrating to me. I am longing for the days with Danielle where I can play my music whenever I want and I can walk around the house in my slip and no one will care.

It's only the beginning of January and already I feel lost in this wintery abyss and like I'll never see the warm June rays of Colorado. But I KNOW I will. I just can't let these frustrations get to me.

Thank goodness I can pour them out onto the interwebs.