My beef with the Cincinnati Public Libraries (or maybe all libraries in general)

Ok, so do not get me wrong. I love libraries. There are billions upon billions of books there that you can read...FOR FREE. They are wonderful institutions and librarians are wonderful people because they help put books in the hands of many, MANY people.

Now, the Cincinnati Public Library is downtown and it's actually an impressive building. It's huge, has lots of books, DVDs, CDs and lots of other things (including old newspapers and records of families in the Cincinnati area!). So, because of it's massive size, I was positive that it would have the books I needed.

I was looking for a couple of books that are considered classics: "1984" and "All Quiet on the Western Front." Most people, if they don't know what these books are about, have at least heard of them before. I have, that's for sure. Well I couldn't find them at the public library on my side of town and I had to go downtown anyway, so I went over there and in that huge building I was unable to find "1984." It's either not in the library or checked out and not in their catalog system yet.

Part of me was apalled by this. "1984" is definitely a classic. It's read in high schools all over the country, it is one of the most well-known dystopian novels, and probably George Orwell's most popular novel, and the library didn't have it. I investigated further and went to look at their stock of Dickens and Steinbeck, both which were pretty poor in numbers. How can institutions that exist purely to house books not have "1984"?

I got mad at the public library. I got very mad. Then, a thought occurred to me. The library cannot possibly afford to house every single book. I mean, let's face it, Cincinnati is in a bit of trouble financial wise and I understand that the city (and entire state, really) have to cut the hours and staff of the public libraries, so I'd assume that they might have to cut the supplies of the library, which are mainly books. So then I got angry at the government for not giving public institutions like libraries enough money to at least have one copy of literary classics on the shelves.

Then I was reminded about the essence of our very economy which I was blaming for the libraries having no money. Capitalism, which I would argue is mostly a good thing, is based on supply and demand. There may be little demand for 1984, and therefore, there is no supply of it in the library. No one in the Cincinnati area seems to feel the need to read 1984, so the library is simply not going to carry it. 1984 is probably taking up valuable space that could be used for Janet Evonovich books or that stupid Twilight Series (the library does, however, have somewhere around six copies of "Breaking Dawn" because HEAVEN FORBID THEY DON'T HAVE TWILIGHT).

So perhaps the real root of my anger is that people are not reading the classics anymore (unless they have to in high school) and so libraries are not carrying them. I find this to be a shame. I know I'm an extreme example, but I like to have a well rounded reading background and I'm sure there are people out there who do as well. 1984 is on the list of so many classics that I'm sure someone else at some other point in time wanted to check it out.

So, basically what I'm saying is, it's a shame that people don't want to read classics and instead want to read about vampires that sparkle. But still, if the option never exists, if 1984 is never on the shelf to begin with, then it eliminates even the possibility that someone would check it out.

And there. That's my beef with the public library.

quoteable kids #2

Some of the hilarious and entertaining quotes from my students (keep in mind they range from 5th-8th graders)

Mitch: Ms. Hoferer, do you have a boyfriend?

Me: Mitch, that's a personal question

Stephen: So in other words, no.

Stephen: Why are you so tired Ms. Hoferer?

Me: I can't sleep lately. I'm having some bad dreams

Stephen: Dreams of what?

Me: sad stuff

Stephen: I think it means you're depressed

Addy: Miss Hoferer! You can't have sex on Yom Kippur!

Me: ADDY. What are you talking about?

Addy: That's what it said! Me: Addy, that's not appropriate for this class and I'm sorry you saw that. You can't put that on your worksheet.

Addy: I didn't. I put you can't have martial relations

Me: It's 'marital' Addy...and don't put that either. Don't even mention it.

Me: Coty, don't throw your book on the ground. Love your book.

Matt: Yea, Coty. Treat it like a woman.

Me: Coty, why are you whining so much?

Tristan: Maybe Coty has the wine flu.

Nate: Wait, Helen Keller is a person? I thought it was a dance!

Panera and fingers stuck in doors for Jonas

I don't know about you, but I sure do hate reading REALLY boring essays by students. So, I decided to get a little more creative here. After we finished reading "The Giver" by Lois Lowry, I assigned the 8th graders an essay that had them pick three memories they would give Jonas. In the book, (for those losers who haven't read it) Jonas is selected to be the new Receiver of Memories for his community and the Giver gives him memories that are unknown by the members of his community, things such as sledding, Christmas, love, physical pain, emotional distress, war, etc. Some of their choices are hilarious, some endearing, and some even kind of profound.

Good memories
color, feelings of excitement and joy, Panera, celebrating a birthday, Thanksgiving, ice skating, Christmas

Bad memories
bleeding from getting your hand slammed in a door, being alone, being invisible, losing a family member, war, losing someone you love

If I personally had to chose at least one good and one bad memory for Jonas, I would give him the memory of true friendship and September 11, 2001.

I like these choices because while some are trivial (Panera), others speak volumes, such as losing someone you love or even the memory of Christmas.

It's the little things like this that make me like being a teacher that much more.

my life according to the Beatles

I thought this would be fun and I was itching to try it.

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "my life according to (band name)

Pick your Artist:The Beatles

Male or Female: She's a Woman

Describe yourself: Paperback Writer

How do you feel: I Feel Fine

Describe where you currently live: Yellow Submarine

If you could go anywhere, where would you go: Across the Universe

Your favorite form of transportation: Drive My Car

Your best friend is: Eleanor Rigby

What's the weather like: Here Comes the Sun

Favorite time of day: A Hard Day's Night

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: Everbody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey

What is life to you: Something

Your fear: Don't Pass Me By

What is the best advice you have to give: All You Need Is Love

Thought for the Day: Come Together

How I would like to die: When I'm Sixty-four

My soul's present condition: It's All Too Much

My motto: Let It Be

Four couples from books that I love, and one that I despise

Couple #1: Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley from the Harry Potter series

It certainly seemed like they would never get together, mostly because it took Jo Rowling 6 hefty novels and then another 625 pages just to get them to kiss. Good grief! Anyways, they are the resident odd couple, opposites that really do attract. Ron is the jokester, the easy-going guy's guy who's easy to love because of his charm and boyish qualities. Hermione is the bookish type, compassionate and head strong. So why would these two go together? I always liked them together from the beginning (well, ok, from The Goblet of Fire on) but I never understood why they were so good for one another, and then it struck me. Hermione sees Ron as the boy who makes her laugh, who gets her to calm down, and, who intrigues her. He is surprising. I think Ron loves Hermione because she loves him the way he is, and wouldn't change him, and she keeps him on his toes, something that Ron thrives on.

There's always debate on whether or not she should have ended up with Harry. But like any Potter freak, I fully support Rowling's matches. People who say Harry really likes Hermione clearly didn't notice all the comparisons Harry made of Hermione and Mrs. Weasley. Do you really think Harry would want to marry someone that reminded him of Ron's mother? I'd hope not! Ron, however, might.

Couple #2: Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice

This is a total given. Most women I think would list this couple as one of their favorites because they are so universally loved! They forced each other to see the flaws in one another, but also forced out the good, loving, and kind qualities in one another as well. They have been romanticized in movies (see Bridget Jones or the many P&P adaptations), but the book is the most sincere, most honest and most romantic depiction of the couple. You just get the sense that by the end of the book, Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth just get one another. And the amount of respect he shows her (he proposed twice! that takes guts and respect!) is warming, especially when you consider the time period in which in was written. Elizabeth stuck to her guns, she married her equal, and all for love. Sigh.

Couple #3: Allie and Noah from The Notebook

I am not a fan of Nicholas Sparks novels (can you say formulaic?), but I really did enjoy The Notebook and I'll tell you why and then you will think I'm crazy. The reason, to me, is because the ending didn't want to make me dress in all black and listen to Elliot Smith on repeat. Now, I chose them from the book because I liked the book more than I liked the movie and I honestly think it's Sparks' best book. It reflects the time in reference to the setting, yet reflects on how love in timeless. Plus, the book did not contain the horrid line "If I'm a bird, you're a bird."

Couple #4: Katniss and Peeta from The Hunger Games trilogy

One book to go, but I've already decided I like Katniss and Peeta together. This trilogy, written for young adults, it thought provoking and exhilerating to read. I just love Katniss, though she really annoys me sometimes. She's a strong, independent woman who faces hardships that I could never endure. She is also very moody and confusing, but not in an annoying Bella Swan kind of way, but in a real way. Suzanne Collins, the author, does a good job of leaving the reader in suspense because you really don't know who Katniss will pick. She could pick anyone! I personally think Peeta suits her. Peeta appreciates everything about her, loves her unconditionally, and he is passionate and artistic. What's not to like there? Katniss is blown away by two kisses in these two books, and both are shared with Peeta. Who wins her heart, Peeta or Gale? We shall see...

The Couple that I Completely Loathe: Bella and Edward from the Twilight series

Ugh. Gag me. Literally.

I find this relationship to be one of the most shallow and unhealthy relationships ever in print...and its the basis for this entire Twilight phenomenon! I don't get it! Bella's entire life is consumed by Edward. I've only read the first book, but from what I understand the second book is all about her complete devestation when he leaves her. In the first though he's creepy in multiple ways and he glitters in the sunlight. It's literally sickening to read.

When I'm reading a book, I like to measure my leading men on the standard that if I were in Hermione/Elizabeth/Allie/Katniss' place I would like their respective men, and I would. I would not like Edward though. He is obnoxious, creepy, shallow and overwhelmingly cheesey. I sometimes wonder what teenage girls are really thinking when they read this. Do they really want Bella to end up with Edward? Do they themselves want to be with Edward? If they do, I'm scared because Edward represents all that women do wrong in relationships, and in life sometimes. He's also incredibly fictional and he represents idealized hopes for women everywhere, and these Twilight obsessed girls are only going to grow up and be severely disappointed.

Plus, the one boy who has potential for giving her a healthy relationship is completely screwed over until the final book, and even then he's getting the short end of the stick! Poor werewolf.

Growing like a fungus

Omaha, Nebraska. It's not the most thrilling city in the world, but they had Fat Tire. Clearly I was excited.

The wedding was nice, though very small, and enjoyed spending some time with my cousins, away from the ridiculousness of our real lives. I talked to Maggie and Leah more this weekend than I have in my entire life...except when Maggie and I were little and played together.

My little break was nice, but now it's time to go back to the real world which consists of obnoxious 7th graders, dreadful weather, attempting to shade the obnoxious 'Red Horse' pounds (my name for the annoying weight I gained when I thought I didn't have to impress anybody). I guess the fact that I just mentioned I am trying to lose weight is a whole blog-tastic exploration of society/self-esteem/health, but I'm not in the mood.

I'm also trying to get into the habit of doing things that are productive. Watching 3 straight hours of Conan= not productive. Exercising, then writing and/or editing for an afternoon=very productive. I would like to come home from teaching and do a few productive things so I can be a vegetable in peace.

Speaking of vegetables, I really enjoy mushrooms lately. Me! Liking a vegetable that's not a potato! I am growing.

And speaking of fungi, I am about to begin the book I have never wanted to read, "Twilight." I figure though that if I'm going to dislike a series with a firey passion, I should at least read it so I can back up what I say. So...now it's time to form an educated opinion. Again, I am growing. So I think there will definitely be a post or two on this series. I promised my 8th graders I would do this. Hopefully I'm not continually kicking myself for this act of pure kindness.

Secret Shame #1: Hugh Grant

I have no idea why, but I find this British man to be one of the most charming, hilarious, and likeable people on the planet.

When I was in high school, my friend Laura shared this obsession with Hugh Grant and we watched as many of his movies as we possibly could, even the ones that weren't good. We were that hard core. I think the only one we didn't watch was 'Extreme Measures' because it seemed sort of scary, and not in a good way.

I have no idea why I love this man so much and why I continually pay to see his shitty movies in the theaters (I also own some of these shitty movies). I think its partly because he is British and partly because he has this sort of effortless, bumbling, but sexy charm to him that holds my attention. He continuously threatens to retire, but thankfully, he's still around to make me smile.

Of course, I don't think all of his movies are terrible. One of my favorite movies of all time is 'About A Boy.' I also loved him in 'Love, Actually.' 'Notting Hill' is one of the great romantic comedies of the 90s, the music video from 'Music and Lyrics' still makes me guffaw, and 'Mickey Blue Eyes' has me in tears every time the scene where he tests out the fake blood for stagging a mob shooting (and I have a special connection with that movie becasue of my friend Laura). In 'Two Weeks Notice,' he has a terrific line in which Sandra Bullock tells him "you are the most selfish man on the planet" and he responds, in his darling accent, "well that's just silly. Have you met everyone on the planet?" And who could forget him as the Mr. Whickham character Daniel Cleaver in "Bridget Jones' Diary"? The movie, and the book, are both hysterical. Also, one of his lesser known roles, in 'The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill and Came Down a Mountain' is a very enjoyable and quintessential British delight (and has the longest title for a movie I have ever heard of). He has a new movie out, and although its probably a typical, campy, and silly rom-com, I will probably pay the matinee price to go and see him frollick in the wilderness with Sarah Jessica Parker (another person I love, that I'm not ashamed of it). Below is the link to 'Did You Hear About the Morgans?'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82Av0Y9-Ttw

things to do

I am packing in preparation for a big family wedding this weekend in the booming metropolis that is Omaha, Nebraska. Even though the location leaves a lot to be desired, I still think it will be fun. Plus I'll be getting to spend some time with old friends from high school.

Looking at this blog right now makes my eyes hurt. I wish I had time tonight to explore some of the things that will make it less lame and more Emily-esque. Once the design is taken care of, all I will have to worry about is providing content that is interesting enough.

The past two days at school were kind of rough as far as discipline goes. I had to hand out a detention to a kid I really like and then I had to discipline another kid who I just feel bad for. He is one of those kids that is his own worst enemy.

I must say though, teaching at this school has introduced me to a whole cast of silly characters. One of my 7th graders, Evan, is obsessed with Brad Pitt and references either him or his movies a lot. I've got another 7th grade girl who is the biggest germophobe I have ever seen. One of my 5th graders, when I asked them what they are enthusiastic about (enthusiastic was a vocab word) he simply replied "Nazi zombies."

Here are some other pretty priceless quotes from some of my students:

"Some people in the town liked Abraham Lincoln because he made hard decisions during a difficult time. Other people just thought he was a putz." -Matt, Grade 8, from his essay on Abraham Lincoln in "Across Five Aprils"

While learning a new vocab word ornery. "No offense Joseph, but you can be really ornery sometimes." -Stephen, Grade 5

While talking about orphans:
Mitch: "Please sir, I want some more!"
Me: Good Mitch, do you know which famous orphan said that?
Mitch: Wishbone

"Look at him. You can tell he is irritated. Just watch the puff. "-Mitch, in response to me telling him, "Mitch, I think you are really irritating Joseph."

"Can we please just read this? My clothes are goin out of style." -Mitch, again

"Lil Wayne never tells you to stay gold the way Johnny does." -Jeff, grade 7 when talking about Johnny in 'The Outsiders'

I'm sure there are more, these are just the really classic ones