Another Serious Moment

So I've definitely been neglecting the blog since moving back to Colorado. I have no excuse, really, except to say I've felt less compelled to write in it so I simply haven't. There isn't much to say, really.

Since moving home I've had a hell of a time finding a job. There's been lots of interviews, a few misleading phone calls, broken promises, and networking opportunities that looked hopeful, but didn't end up panning out. I was pretty downtrodden and frustrated. I was in full swing of the Emily pity parade and I let everyone know how pissed off I was.

I was in the Arvada area and decided to stop by my grade school church, Shrine of St. Anne. I haven't been to St. Anne's in years, yet I think about the place a lot. I would not say I'm Catholic anymore, or particularly religious to begin with, but I figured that maybe if I went to a quiet place and asked God for a little help, it wouldn't hurt. I know there's a tiny chapel tucked away in the church that houses all the candles and part of St. Anne's ankle bone (though how they've confirmed this, I have no idea) and I've always wanted to see it.

It was probably the middle of the day when I went in, went to the back chapel, lit a candle, and folded my hands like the little girls in first communion photos, and prayed. I wasn't there long, maybe 15 minutes, and when I came out I saw a man kneeling in one of the pews, his hands clasped together so hard it looked like he was holding on to something valuable. He was talking softly and crying. I couldn't hear anything except for the words 'God,' 'please,' and 'help.'

Here I was thinking I was having a rough time. Clearly something in this man's life was bothering him so much he was emotional. Whatever it was, it was probably something more serious than 'please can I get a job so I can pay for my smartphone, new clothes, and a ski pass.

Think about how many times we use the word 'I' everyday. Or some form of it at least. 'I want a better job' 'I need a new house' 'I've got to stop eating that' 'I want him/her to love me.' Then think about this: odds are, when you're having a tough time, there is someone out there who's having a worse time than you. There's no way to really know, but if anything I do know there are people worse off than me, like people who don't have a job and need one so they can provide for their families, or people living in terrible and sometimes terrifying conditions.

Things will improve for me eventually, they have to, but for the man in the church whatever is wrong in his life may take longer to improve, if at all. Later that week when we have dinner as a family my parents, being good religious people, sometimes make us say a special prayer for someone. Usually I try to think of terrible things that have happened in the news and use that as my special prayer. Lately, my special prayer has been for all the unemployed, including, selfishly, myself. But, for the first time, I felt a real sincerity when I mentioned this man and prayed for him. He needs it more than I do.